"Let my people go."

 

“Let my people go!”

I am currently enrolled in a course entitled Schools and Inequalities. My focus changed from my work with adults as a teacher leader to focusing instead on me as a teacher in my own classroom. Quality education is about learning and growing as a professional and a member of our community. We must function as culturally responsive educators with the knowledge, skills, and outlooks of leaders both within our schools and the larger educational district.

 The question for teachers is: What are we doing to change the system for students? I believe that everyone can change their way of thinking to make themselves better. But, there is a fine line about the desire to change to be better and the desire to change to make better. In part of our American history, the laws did try and influence the way people think. Anything can be twisted and turned into a certain belief or way of thinking. We must see all people as people and not objects of our day. Of course, this part of history affected literacy.

 According to some theories, if a child toughens things out, he will succeed. That is not always true. Hardship does not promise success. I believe in long-term goals being set. This skill needs to be taught to all students living in the present. Teaching personal goal setting can be hard but not impossible. We can help to understand the mindset of people through empathy. We cannot change a way of thinking completely or a culture of people. However, we can have understanding.

 Having lived in Russia as a missionary, I learned that the Baptist were treated similarly during the days of persecution. The Baptist were considered a cult and people against the Orthodox Church. Therefore, for the 70 years of Communism, Baptist were not allowed to “worship” or study in a university. If you were Baptist, you were not privileged. Thus, it took several years after communism for the people of the Baptist faith to gain any form of wealth and prominence. They were then and only then allowed to get an education. I guess all countries have their sad histories. Thankfully, today everyone can learn and achieve. It is now up to us to make a difference and not let resistance get in the way. We need to be responsive to all. Others know how one truly feels. It shows. 

 When I hear the old Negro Spirituals sung, it just reminds me of how I was once lost, and then freed to a life full in Christ. “Tell Ole Pharaoh, Let My People Go” (Go Down, Moses) has spiritual, yet historical meaning for me. This song carried a “secret” message. When I hear the songs sung, I place myself into that situation as best I can to empathize. I know that unless you have lived through something, though, it is hard to fully understand. But, I try. I love and sympathize with all people. It is like some school principals have expressed that we must teach the children love. But, love, is not the only thing we give them. We must provide understanding and hope for the future. We need to change our system to provide what students need, and we need to teach students that they can make a difference. It takes both understanding and adaptation. Best of both worlds. Empower them to be leaders of tomorrow. Let my students go!

a new way

 

We used to sing a song, “Father Abraham had many sons.” But not all of Abraham’s sons were children of Promise, God’s chosen. One of Abraham’s sons through one of his wives was Shuah (Gen 25:2), and one of his descendants was Bildad, a friend of Job. Bildad’s problem was that he limited God based on his tradition (Job 8:8). Bildad had two points for Job’s pain: 1) History teaches that God ONLY lets pain come to punish sins (8:3-4), and 2) History teaches that God ALWAYS gives relief to anyone who prays for it (8:5-6). The problem with defining God by history is that God is bigger than that and sometimes He does things in a new way (Is 43:19). God doesn’t ONLY let pain come as a result of sinful actions. And God doesn’t ALWAYS answer our prayers for pain relief in the way we want. Not all of Abraham’s sons knew God the way Job was coming to know Him.

 God did not answer my pain problem in the way I wanted. I am still trying to figure it out. My journey seemed to take a turn I was not expecting. I am coming to know God in a new way.

 Having been on so many types of medicine, I had withdrawals systems like most addicts. Even though my experience was one that was not the normal street drug issue. I still experienced some of the same detoxing symptoms (i.e., shivers, shakes, dry mouth, fatigue, nausea, suicidal thoughts, etc.)

 My continued traumatic experience was one that was indirectly ordered by doctors’ hands-prescriptions. Am I blaming the doctors? No, but I will say this. You must pray and watch before you choose to go a route that may not be the best for you.

 My daughter is a Physician’s Assistant. I highly regard the medical field. In my situation, though, the doctors could not find anything wrong. Therefore, my pain became questionable. Was the pain real? I could see this question form in some doctor’s eyes. I knew it was real and Buck did. But, it had gotten to the point that they knew that nothing could be done for me. So, my only next steps in the field of medicine were seeing a doctor of psychiatry and doctors of pain management. Buck had warned me of this. Buck always knows. My best friend!

I soon made the conclusion that my pain was a result of nerves. No physical issues were evident. All my tests were normal. I was normal.

 There is a fine line from where pain stems. Is it real? Yes. However, nerve pain is not physical. True. I did not have an accident that caused a brake or wound. But, my issue was painful. Nerve pain. I knew my pain was legitimate; however, it was difficult for me to explain. Piercing, cutting, constant burning on the top and back of my head!

 What led to me trying new medications, I believe led me to more pain. We believe that since the medicine was not helping my pain, it started to mask it. My darling, Buck, looked at me after four years of “trying” new prescriptions and said, “No more. Not my wife.” I was given certain types of medications that became addictive in nature.

I remember the day he begged me. He said, “Leslie, nothing is working. Come off everything. If nothing works, why take it? I know it will be hard, but God will bless it. He will heal you. You do not need to be addicted to anything. God will not honor this. It does not work anyway. Let’s try some natural things and see what works.”

 I told him, “God is not going to heal me. He has not in four years, and He does not plan on it now.” Buck held to his statement. And out of complete desperation, I said, “Okay.”

I am so glad I submitted. I was limiting God just like Bildad. I never thought my pain was a result of sin. I knew God could heal me. I was just so tired. I was giving up. The faith of my family and friends held me together though.

 The problem with defining God by history is that God is bigger than that and sometimes He does things in a new way (Is 43:19). He decided to do things in a new way with me. Thank God that He spared my life! He can spare yours. I am living proof.

Prayer: God help me. I believe!

 -I Named Him Anxiety, Buck and Leslie Burch

do not forget about us

 

do not forget about us

 

Sometimes it’s hard to talk to a person who is hurting really badly. Sometimes it’s hard to listen to what a hurting person says. Job was angry with his friends for not being able to comfort him (Job 6-7). He called them “undependable” (6:15) and “of no help” (6:21); that’s hard to hear when you’re trying to cheer somebody up.

 

This topic points to an area many people in pain do not like to discuss. I looked to Buck as my “savior”. I heard doctors say they did not know what was wrong with me. All my tests were coming back negative. Yet, Buck was my best friend and a strategist by nature, and I just knew he was going to solve my problem. Looking back, I did not treat him fairly. Deep down I felt that if Buck could not figure it out, then I was ruined. I never verbally said that he was “undependable”. However, I wonder if I did not wrestle with the thought subconsciously.

 

We have actually thought through some of these feelings since my healing.

 

But Job’s inner fight was with God, and he questioned God’s purpose for allowing him to have the physical and emotional pain he felt. His pain was making him lose his fear of God (6:14). He describes his body’s sores (7:5) and his loss of hope (7:7). At one point Job asked God to go ahead and kill him (6:8-9). Since God created your life, is it His right to decide when you will die? Does God have the right to make you a “target” to punish (7:20)? Can God decide what He will forgive and not forgive (7:21)? What a hurting person sometimes questions about God reveals where his real theology is. But God is bigger than our questions and better than any words our pain wants to say.

 

All along I knew that my inner fight was my questioning God, but it just seemed easier to handle the stress when I had someone to depend on for my “salvation”. I cried in anguish to God. I was at my weakest point- point of despair. I felt like Judah did in Jerimiah 14: 1-9. There was a drought in their land, and they cried in anguish “leave us not” because the city wells, grounds and fields were barren and dry (verse 9b). I can relate to their hopelessness. I pleaded for God to hear me in relation to my healing. But for a long time, all I heard was silence. I remember lying on the floor and looking at the ceiling for hours praying for a moment of relief, praying for a miracle, or just praying for an answer. Honestly, I wanted the doctors to say something was wrong, so we could start to fix the problem. Time after time and visit after visit, I heard the same silence.

 

So, there was a time that I even asked God to take me. Thinking back now, I see how selfish that was for me to even question God. God knew what He was allowing in my life. I have not yet figured it all out, but I know He has given me another chance.

 

My prayers then turned in the form of pleas admitting my sin. Have you thought about praying like this- at the point of desperation- and begging God to hear you?

 

Prayer: Our sins show our guilt, Lord. Please help me. I have backslidden immensely; my sins have offended You. You are my only hope in this time of ultimate despair. You seem as a stranger to me right now, like a person that passes by me unknown. It is as if You are a soldier that has been approached unaware, unarmed and stunned. However, I know that You are right here with me. I know this, Lord. Others may think the opposite. I know that I am Yours. Please do not forget about me (Jeremiah 14:7-9)!!!! 

-"I named him Anxiety." by Buck and Leslie Burch

Wish.

 Paintings by Les

6-27-21

Love.

Paintings by Les

6-22-21

 

I have hope...

                                                 

Have you ever wondered what God thinks about pain? In Job 2, you can read how God had all of His millions of angels come stand before Him for a regular meeting. The devil came with them, so God talked about Job again. After the devil had been allowed to destroy all of Job’s property and family, now the devil wanted to hurt Job’s body. God let him. Why, God?

 

God is eternal, so I wonder what God thinks about the temporary suffering in our lives. Does He have a bigger purpose for letting us feel pain here and now? God could talk about anything else in His creation, but He seems to talk about certain people He notices and loves. Yet, why would He let those people suffer? What does this reveal about Who God is?

God let His own Son Jesus suffer also on this earth to pay for our sins. Maybe temporary suffering is one of the things God allows to make things work out in a way that He knows will be better. We cannot always understand God, but we can trust that He is bigger than our pain, and He is better than our pain, too.

I am the first to admit that I like things to run smoothly. When they do not, I am a mess. My family teases me that I have border line OCD tendencies. We laugh and joke about it, but in fact it is not far from the truth. I do like things in order. However, the past few years, I have learned to let a few things go. It’s okay. The wisdom comes in knowing the balance. Sometimes things happen in life where you are forced to put total trust and dependence on the Lord. I guess Type A people may find this a little more difficult. When there is no plan, faith must step in the picture.

Today, though, I feel entrapped. What must I do? Call upon the Lord and totally trust. When an animal or fish tries to free itself from a hunter’s net, it actually becomes more entangled. I admit that I have been fighting to free myself from the pain. It is time to stop. My strength cannot hold up any longer. Be still and humbly call upon the Lord and His goodness. He will hear me. I remember His promise that He will take care of the faithful. He will save me. I have hope!

I named him "Anxiety"....

I guess it is time. I put it off long enough. Maybe I wonder what people will think. Well, I realize that it only matters what God thinks. Since Job was normal, I am, too. I remember when the Lord led Buck through the book of Job. I was dealing with chronic, daily pain. Perfect timing. Yet, I did not want to read anything that spoke to pain.                                                    


These are the words that Buck wrote:

“There are Christian counselors out there who have been trained to deal with people who live through pain, sometimes very traumatic pain. In Job’s ongoing conversation with his friends, he outlines what he and they both know about God (Job 12), what Job wants from God (Job 13), and how that compares to his current experience of pain (Job 14). Yet so far, none of their counseling has helped him. In fact, he says ‘men at ease have contempt for misfortune’ (12:5); in other words, he didn’t think they really could understand or help. Job believed in a God Who gives life (12:10), Who is wise (12:13) and powerful (12:14-16), Who reveals truth (12:22) and Who raises up nations and leaders at His will (12:23-25). Yet what Job wants from God is to talk to Him and have Him hear his hurt (13:3). He was sick of his friends’ trite maxims and pat answers for his pain (13:12). Job wanted to trust God (13:15) that this pain would mean something in the end (13:16). He wanted his pain to stop (13:21) and to understand why he was hurting (13:24). But neither Job’s beliefs about God nor his desires for God’s intervention helped him overcome some of the deep effects of chronic pain: troubled days (14:1), loneliness (14:6), thoughts of death (14:10), and depression (14:22). Apparently his friends really weren’t capable of counseling Job. And that makes me pray harder for people God uses to bring emotional/psychological healing to a person who experiences pain.”

I did appreciate all the prayers. It makes sense now, however, that when you are going through a hard time it is hard for someone to understand unless they have experienced something similar. I relate to Job’s thoughts in that he did not think men could really understand or help. Doctor after doctor and loved ones after loved ones wanted to help but nothing we tried or did worked. I seemed to have taken every medication on the market and even went all natural and tried chiropractor help, eastern acupuncture, and oil therapy. I even saw counselors. Just like Job, though, I needed God to tell me why and if the pain would stop. I needed God to listen to my hurt.

Was He going to heal me? I was selfish, and wanted the pain, the suffering, the anxiety, and the accompanied depression to be taken away. But what was His will? I soon fell into depression and anxiety began to take over after about 2 ½ years. I quit work. I did not want to leave home. I knew I should, and Buck did his best to make me go out if nothing but to ride in the car as he shopped for the groceries.

Then after another year the most overwhelming thoughts started to surface. I did not want to live anymore. I sat in bed at night and looked at the ceiling praying for sleep like my loved ones in the house. I could not rest in the pain and it was hard to make it through the day in pain. Was there any relief? I then began to ask the Lord to take me home. I did not really want to leave my family and definitely not pass away before my parents, but I could not see an end or a purpose anymore.

I used to enjoy living but the pain began to talk. The monster in my closet surfaced and I named him "Anxiety". It got to the point that I feared everything even eating. The pain was so horrendous I felt like I could not even breathe. I started reading and studying about anxiety and depression for I wanted out. However, the pain kept talking. Life just got darker and darker. I knew God was there, but I felt like He was not talking to me. Why could I not hear anything?

Doctors would genuinely look at me with such compassion. Because no one knew what was wrong, I wondered if they believed my pain was even real. All test were normal. They wanted to discover what was wrong in order to fix it. But I seemed to keep hitting a brick wall with no answers.

I want to encourage prayer warriors today. Do not stop praying for someone experiencing pain or hurt. Emotional and psychological healing does come. It comes in God’s timing not our timing. Do not give up. No one gave up on me. And for that I am thankful. I want to publicly say thank you to all those prayer warriors for not giving up on me even though I temporarily gave up on the battle.

I am working again. I am eating and sleeping again. Life is great. I was given another chance to live “free of pain”. I know that God answered the prayers of the people that cried out for me. I love you for that. I wanted to say, though, if you are hurting, do not give up. God is still listening. He hears your cry for help. He hears the prayers of others. I know. You see, I am living proof. How can I pray for you? It is not as dark as it seems. Satan is a deceiver. Job and I listened to the wrong voice at times. No one escapes dark valleys or suffering. But guess what? God is really there and He is leading you out. It is time to start climbing the mountain again. How can I help? Do you need someone to listen? Contact me. This is my story.

Contact email: lesburch@gmail.com